Thursday, August 12, 2010

There'll Be No Cake in Hell!

Quick update:

I was recently in California and stayed with a friend who has a really soft guest bed. I returned home on the warpath and demanded that my husband Ralf remove the 20-year-old army cot we've been sleeping on and replace it with the Sealy mattress we bought while living in California, which I then loaded up with memory foam. He did this and promptly hurt his back, so now he has to go for physical therapy and we're looking for a new bed.

But my topic today is cake. I only mentioned the bed thing because Ralf called me yesterday from the chiropractor to ask if he should pick anything up at the store. I gave him a list then immediately called him back once we hung up to ask him to pick up some cake.

I love cake. My book club once read a book called The Glass Castle, which is a very funny book about child abuse. I know, that sounds all wrong, but everyone turned out OK and it's pretty hilarious. The mother in the story would hide out eating chocolate while her 4 kids had nothing to eat. Everyone in the book club was up in arms about this but I felt a kind of secret sympathy.

Of course, I would never do that just for chocolate, but I have been known to hide out with a piece of cake.

Sadly, Ralf didn't pick up his phone and I didn't get my cake. So I made muffins.

This morning Ralf heard my message asking for cake and (fondly) called me a hormonster.

I said: You could have picked up some cake anyway.

He said: You didn't ask for cake.

Me: You should have known.

Ralf (staring at me across the great gender divide): That is the quintessential woman statement. How on earth should I have known if you didn't tell me?

Me: Because I always want cake.

Ralf (thinking he's joking): Should I just bring cake every time I come home?

I pondered this, wondering if Ralf had inadvertently stumbled upon the answer to all cross-gender misunderstandings.

The title of a bestseller occurred to me as well: Men Are From Mars, Women Like Cake.

What do you think?


  1. Yes - you're a genius! Chocolate cake is definitely the answer to cross-gender problems!

  2. I think that would solve all my marital woes.

    PS I loved The Glass Castle, too. Have you read Half Broke Horses? It is by the same author and one of my favorite reads from last year.

  3. I actually saw the Glass Castle author, Jeanette Walls, speak shortly after her book was published. She's hilarious in the dry humor kind of way. What a great book!!!

  4. Loved The Glass Castle and Half Broke Horses.
    Love the word Hormonster. I once baked choc cake from a mix because I was goinbg to kill someone if I didn't have choc. within one hour.

  5. I think you struck a nerve with my husband. He was laughing out loud when he read your post. (then he said something about me and Oreo cookies). Great post!

  6. Hahaha... Did you by any chance overhear a conversation between me and my husband? We've had the same talk a few days ago.

  7. When life gives me lemons, I squeeze them in my tea and make chocolate chip cookies.

  8. You're so right. He should have known, and I'm hoping that next time he will!

  9. Yes, he absolutely should just bring cake every time!

  10. Nice post - looking forward to reading more of your archived posts too. On point - no, your husband shouldn't just bring cake home every time, but now that he knows how seriously you considered it, he would be wise to bring home cake periodically as a surprise....and score MAJOR points.

  11. I applaud your book title and this post is one of my favorites of the year. I love the way you write and now you have also made me think of baked goods. Cake, muffins . . . and for some reason I now have beignets on the mind. (Cake is great but I guess I need cake and more). Here is another possible title for the book, and more clear to male minds (like mine -- hints are not always efective): "Guys, Just Buy the Cake".


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